Posted by: fudgie99 | January 12, 2009

I’ve Heard the Mermaids Singing

i-heard-the-mermaids-singing-3This is almost an antilesbian movie, but it was found in the gay and lesbian section of netflix and does have two lesbian lovers in it, so it qualified in their eyes. Let’s just say it wasn’t homo-positive.

The movie follows this sometime spy Polly that is goofy, distracted, awkward with people, and a complete klutz.  This did create a few funny scenes- trying to sit on the floor at a sushi bar, dropping her slipper in the toilet, but it was so over the top, it seemed unbelievable she got by in life without being hit by a bus or dropping her curling iron in the tub with her.

To make it even better, she has these partial seizures, or, if you will, fantasies, where she flies (at least the flying was so fake it looked like the movie director realized how ridiculous it was) or listening to mermaids sing (sounds a lot like an oceanic orgy reaching climax-who knew).

Anyway, bring on the lesbians- she starts working as a secretary for this gallery curator who has a lover, and develops a crush on said woman, though she makes sure to let the viewers know- “not like I wanted to kiss her, or anything”. Cuz, you know, that would be gross.

I don’t believe anyone in this movie was a lesbian or knew a lesbian. At one point, Polly asks the curator’s lover if she loves “the curator”

“I love her a lot”

“Like a mother or a sister?”

“No, like a lover.”

I mean, I know it was 1987, but really, do you make out with your mother or sister? I don’t think so.

Anyway, the ending plummets down into melodramatic insanity that I’ll let you find out if you decide to dive in to this mermaid mess. And no sex scene- that alone, can raise a rating from a one star to a two star. Alas, all lesbians were pretty chaste in the 80’s, at least on film.

Favorite lines: “I’ll have milk-cow’s milk”

“Sometimes I think my head is like a gas tank”

“I wasn’t really sick- except for my heart”
star2 Alas, Lesbian bed death

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Responses

  1. I’m glad that you’ve started this. We are always afraid to rent a lesbian movie because, well, you never know what cheese you’re about to get into. I think we were most recently done in by that “Truly intimate” line in Claire of the Moon.


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